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February 13, 2018 by

7 Jewish Feminist Things To Do Instead of Valentine’s Day

Why would you want this when you could summon a mythical creature of legend to destroy your enemies instead?

Why would you want this when you could summon a mythical legend to destroy your enemies instead?

It’s a Christian Saint’s Day. It worships commercialization. And it definitely objectifies women. It’s time to say dayenu to embracing the golden calf of heart-shaped chocolate boxes filled with mediocre heart-shaped chocolate and instead find new ways to spend Valentine’s Day. Here are some alternatives.

1) Summon a golem. What better way to spend February 14 than by creating a giant creature of clay that will wreak havoc on your enemies?

2) Write your treatise on why there’s nothing wrong with interfaith marriage. Tweet it at every Jewish publication. Including this one.

3) Learn how to say “death to the patriarchy” in Yiddish and Ladino. That way, you can basically be as a cool as your friend Rachel who went to Yiddish Farm last summer and knows all the cool songs.

4) Choose what you’re wearing to the Purim party (even though Purim is problematic too). You need to start thinking now. Will you try to parody someone in the administration and hope they still have their job come March? Go for the classic Darth Lord Bannon? Spend hours deciding which 20th-century Anarcho-Communist is your one true love?

5) Dox Nazis. If summoning a golem isn’t your thing, this is a good alternative.

6) Write a queer midrash for Song of Songs. Or your fanfic shipping Ruth and Naomi. Or Jonathan and David. Really whatever speaks to your heart.

7) Scream “Fuck Capitalist Patriarchal Christian Hegemony.” You can do this anytime you see something that reminds you of Capitalist Patriarchal Christian Hegemony. It definitely won’t become exhausting at all as your voice gets hoarse raging at the world.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of Lilith Magazine.

  • EvelynKrieger

    I’d add: Visit the store on Feb. 15-17 for delicious 50% off Valentine’s candy to put in your Mishloch Manot.

    • Suzy

      A good suggestion!!

  • Suzy

    I’ve always enjoyed Valentine’s Day–the day may be named after a Christian saint, but it is hardly celebrated today as a religious holiday. As for “objectifying women”–I don’t mind being given a box of good chocolate and a nice card. Emma Goldman famously said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” Yes, I realize there are several variations of this quote, but the sentiment remains the same. I am a second wave feminist. And I am Jewish. And I like to have fun. Unfortunately none of the alternatives you offer for Valentine’s Day sound like much fun. I respect people who feel we(Jews) should not celebrate Valentine’s Day for religious reasons. However, I don’t think not celebrating will bring “death to the patriarchy.” And I am wondering why “Purim is problematic.” ?As for my favorite ‘Anarcho-Communist”–obviously my favorite Anarchist is Emma Goldman. And Emma visited the Soviet Union and did NOT like it at all! And if I have to choose between a favorite Communist(an ideology that has led to the murder of millions) and getting a box of chocolate for Valentine’s Day–guess which one I’ll choose!

    • Suzy

      Love this! So very true!! And I was going to write something very similar(although not as clever–I had forgotten the Emma Goldman quote!) I too am a second wave feminist. And I also have no idea why Purim is “problematic”– I guess that now everything that is remotely fun is questionable…However, I do think I might go with one of the seven appropriate choices. I would summon the Golem and tell him to bring me lots of yummy chocolate, and if he wants to also bring some roses that’s also okay…..

  • vivian lewis

    well how do I say death to the patriarchy in Yiddish
    Tod an der was? or in Latino
    Muerto ao patriarchismo?