by Nan Fink Gefen

Who Is Stifling the Anger?

When we ask mothers what their daughters do that riles them the most, they often describe those times when a pleasing conversation is twisted into a confrontation and their words are taken out of context and thought to mean something different from what they intend. Or when the past seems to hold great sway, causing their daughters to see the present through the eyes of the trauma they experienced as children.

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  • Bobby5000

    “Many mothers shy away from expressing anger at their grown daughters” ????. Maybe a few.

    A close friend had a daughter who was constructing a home. The mom had some good suggestions but seemed to be tough and critical which seemed to accentuate an already stressful process. I know the daughter and she is a pleasant, upbeat women, juggling kids, house, and a sometimes demanding husband. I told my friend, why don’t you express your criticism/ suggestions more gently- perhaps start with a compliment, say how much you admire your daughter, make a constructive comment, and then end with a compliment. The mom thought for a few seconds and said, I don’t have to go through all that, she’s my daughter, I’ll say what I want.

    It’s strange, people will sometimes be so careful with strangers but so blunt and critical with their own family.

  • Bobby5000

    Respectfully you need to realize your mom is who she is. At 29, you do not need her approval and you craft your own life. Once you realize you do not need your mother’s approval, then you take the next steps in living your life.