Thank you for this article. I too have not quite made peace with my lack of grief over my mother’s passing. My grief is for the missed potential, what could have been had she been a different kind of woman. My father is almost 93. We have no relationship by choice on both our parts. He too was an abuser. I often wonder if I will even be notified of his passing, and what I will feel when this day comes. I struggle every year with the question of a yarhzeit candle for my mother. I question the validity of saying kaddish. How do you honor a parent who never honored you? It has taken a lifetime of therapy to recover from the wounds inflicted by my parents. I appreciate the mediation you have included by Rabbi Saks. I too pray for a release from bitter feelings.